What losing a friend taught me
I lost a friend…
Have you ever had a friend you thought would always be your friend? You had fun for many years, shared your dreams and laughs and tears, and one day this friend was gone. Just like that. Like a ghost. With no explanation, with no warning, just gone. If you have, you are not alone. I have lost my best friend like this a few years ago. So I want to share with you a few thoughts on how it made me feel, how I dealt with it and what I learned from it. Maybe it will help you to deal with a similar situation you are or were in.
We were friends for about 10 years and stayed friends for many years even when I moved to a different country. We kept in touch and met every time I was back in my home country. I absolutely enjoyed my friend´s company. She was funny, crazy, charismatic. Then suddenly it all changed. We got busy and did not talk so often and so one day when I contacted her it was no answer. I tried a few times after that and no answer… Something in my gut was telling me that this is not good…
Then, of course, I started questioning myself:
Did I say something wrong?
Did I do something to upset her?
Did I not do something?
Is it my fault?
I blamed myself. I could not understand, that out of nowhere our 10 years of friendship is over. But it was…
After a few attempts, she replied that she thinks we grew apart and have nothing in common. That was painful! Because I thought nothing has changed. It took me actually a few years to come to terms with it, that our friendship was over. Even if we would be friends again it would not be the same. But I appreciate her answer as silence was more painful. People grew apart. That is the evolution of life. Not the one I preferred, but the one I had to accept.
After this turn of events I reflected on these questions:
- What does friendship means to me? What qualities do I value in a friend?
- Would I ever leave a friend who really matters to me without explanation?
- Why is it so hard to accept that I was rejected? And was I? Was it about me or about her? Or about inevitable change?
- Do I need to talk to a friend every day to feel friendship?
After reflecting on these questions I came down to a few conclusions:
- A best friend is not the one who I talk to every day, but the one who I can keep in touch ones in a while, but every time we meet it feels like we met just yesterday.
- Best friends come and go. I can have multiple best friends. All of them teach me something and I am grateful for that. And if the friendship has an expiration date, then be it. Everything in this world has.
- Rejection is part of life. It is normal to fear rejection. It is natural to want to be wanted, accepted, needed. And breaking the relationship does not mean rejection. It just means that people change, grow and go separate ways.
- By losing a friend we do not lose memories we had together. We can build new ones with a new friend.
While losing a best friend is painful, it can also teach us many things…
Now to this day, I remember my friend and the good times we had. In my mind, I send her love and hope she is living her best life. And I am on my way to building new relationships. I am on my way to building new memories. I am on my way not to being afraid to lose people in my life as when you lose something or someone, you gain something new.
Be a best friend, have a best friend, let go of friendships that are not serving you any longer, build new friendships, that will align with the person you are becoming.
Have you ever been ghosted by a friend or rejected for any reason? How did it make you feel? What did you do? How did you deal with it? Or did you ever break off the friendship and why?
