Clarity matters
I would like to start this blog post by telling you, that I was inspired to write it by my dad… And probably not in the way you think. Most of us when we read something like that, imagine our dads like role models, someone we look up to, someone we want to be like, someone superhero-like. But this is not the case. It is quite the opposite. The last time I talked to my dad he expressed himself that his life is one big mistake, that he regrets the things he did and the things he did not do. I know this came out in the time he was down, but I felt so sad and was thinking how can I prevent that from happening to my life. I do not want to wake up one day and regret my life or feel like it was a mistake…
My dad clearly showed me by his life, what I don’t want my life to look like. He clearly showed me how I do not want to think, feel, react to situations, how I don’t want to design my life. So what now? I know what I don’t want, but that does not help much.
I have to figure out what do I want to do, be, how do I want to feel, look, act, with who do I want to spend my time with and so many other questions. I need to get clarity for my life!
So let me take you on a little CLARITY journey I took myself on. Maybe it will help you too.
I want to start with a few questions. I am pretty sure that you all know the power of a good question, right? So calm your senses by closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and here it comes. Question number one. And you don’t need to answer it out loud, just answer to yourself in your head by using that voice that never stops running your mind. (By the way, I want to mention that I got inspired to ask these questions by one Ted Talk and they led me to my clarity coaching post).
So are you ready for the first question? Close your eyes and answer yourself honestly. Are you feeling happy today? Got your answer? If yes, move on to my second question. Why are you feeling happy today or if you are not, why not? Did you get your reason? Then my last question is: tomorrow would you rather feel happy or unhappy? Day after? What about a day in one month, a year, 5 years? Would you like to have a good day or a bad day? Would you rather feel happy or sad? Do you want a happy life or an unhappy one?
I assume that you answered that you want to have a good day, a good year, a good life. But what makes a happy day, a happy year, a happy life? Well.. a lot of things… So where to start?
Start with getting clarity. Clarity is power. Clarity is a fundament for a happy life — clarity on what makes your day happy, what would make your life happy. Because we all want to be happy, no exceptions. You never wake up and wish for a bad day. Do you?
So what would make your life happy? And you would probably say: “Oh it is pretty simple: a job in a nice office, great boyfriend or girlfriend, x amount of money, good health, and so on it goes”. But that is far from clear, that is so far from having clarity in your life. What is good health? What is a good boyfriend? What is a happy workplace?
So a few years ago I was reflecting on my life and different events and was asking myself how did I get here? How did I end up in this relationship? How did I end up in this job? How did I end up in this country? How did I end up this person? I never wanted this.
Now I can see, that I ended up there because I was not clear on what I wanted. What would make my life happy, what would make my career fulfilling, what would make my romantic life happy? I had no clarity. I thought I had it, but I did not… I was overshadowed by the lives all the other people lived. I never questioned my choices. Because everyone does it. Everyone wants family, kids, house, dog, etc. So I should want it as well, it will make me happy as well.
Let me give you a few real-life examples from my personal life to illustrate what clarity is not and where we can end up without it. Not at a very happy place.
So about 10 years ago I was still a student in a foreign country and because my parents are not wealthy I had to work to support myself through the university. At that time I was not into personal development, I was just like everyone else doing my thing: studying and hoping for a job in the office after I graduate.
I was cleaning offices and I saw myself working there. I said to myself that one day I will be sitting here and not cleaning. And I was. I clearly said I will be working here, but I did not define what job I want to do, what tasks I want to have, what career would make me happy. So I got a job, but was I happy? I was okay, but if you are here you strive for more than okay.
My second story is about romantic relationships. I never had a boyfriend until I turned almost 20. So imagine, I was thinking, oh if I would just have a boyfriend I would be happy. And bam! I got a boyfriend. Was I happy? No!!!! I was crying on the bathroom floor… literally. I don’t know why we girls like it there, maybe to wash the tears at the same time.
So just asking what I think would make me happy and not defining clearly the criteria for my happiness led me to the job that was not fulfilling, to the relationship that left me broken so much, that it took me 5 years of very hard work to get up. 5 years!!!!
Without clarity I ended up in a very unhappy romantic relationship, in a body I did not like, in a job that paid bills, but did not fulfill me, in a mind that made me miserable…
Fast forward a few years later I discovered the power of personal growth and self-healing. I started doing clarity work on myself and my life. It was so powerful! I am not a guru or magician, I am just like you, just doing the work and improving little by little every single day. Do I get lost? Do I get in a fog? Do I have setbacks? Yes, yes, and yes. But I am doing the work. That is what counts the most.
I want to give you a few examples about what I got when I was clear on what I wanted:
I met the great man, finally, I felt safe to love. I started my coaching business. I enjoy being with myself by myself for myself. I bought a brand new apartment, ran a marathon, participated, and won in my first dance competition at 34 years old and so many other great things.
Clarity is power. It gives us a direction to follow. Without direction, we are lost.
Clarity gives us peace of mind because we discover who we are, what is important to us, and what do we want. What we want, not what others want from us. Clarity eliminates distractions. We become focused so we perform better and end up more confident.
Clarity makes it easier for others to support us because we can articulate what we need.
So what can you do today to get more clarity?
Today pick an area you want to get more clarity on and spend 30 min just writing down everything that comes to your mind. If it is a man of your dreams write down how you want him to make you feel, how you want him to treat you, how you want to show up for him, what person do you need to become to meet that type of guy. Write it down, reflect and write again. I wrote 3 pages about what kind of man I wanted in my life so that I would feel safe to love… and 3 months later I met him at the mailbox. Coincidence? Maybe😊 but because I identified what I want I could easily spot it.
Don’t get too scientific about it but do the work. Because if we do not have clarity it all is just guesswork and letting someone else decide for our life. You cannot have clarity without knowing yourself and that’s why I do a lot of self-reflection and analyzing work with my clients, because what does it mean to know yourself?
And you probably will say I knew it. I knew all of it. But how do we do it? How do we cultivate clarity? Simply by writing it all down, asking smart questions, reflecting, maybe getting a clarity coach to lead you through the process?
Clarity is power.
I wish you a good day, a good year, and a good life, and most of all, I wish you clarity!
Thank you for reading.
